I ended up staying longer in the hospital than expected due to some complications from the pain medicines. I feel like I’ve been in a battle. I’m physically weak but I feel mentally strong. It’s very difficult to walk around. I can’t bend. I can’t lift. I can’t pull. I can’t hug the way I normally do. But I know slowly I will be doing all those things again.
I started to write this post last week the day before my 2nd surgery. I will write more as the week progresses. I was scared. Really scared. I was going under anesthesia twice in three days. It was surreal checking in on my kids last night while they were sleeping. I remember the night before I went into my second surgery kissing them goodnight and wondering when if I would be back and healthy. Now I’m back home and things are almost back to normal. I never prayed so hard before in my life. I prayed to Mary, Padre Pio. I prayed for peace. I listened to my mother-in-law’s prayer she wants me to memorize one day. I prayed until the second my eyes closed as I went under anesthesia. I kept praying the same thing: that I would wake up and every thing would go fine.
April 5th. Today I am supposed to be resting and recuperating from my biopsy. I can’t sit still. I can’t lay on the couch all day. I wasn’t going to post on my blog until this weekend but I need to write. I am nervous. I’m so used to doing ten things at once (like probably you all are). My mother-in-law kept telling me to sit. My mom came by and was echoing the same instructions, “Relax, we’ll take care of it.” Truthfully, I didn’t feel physically that bad after my first procedure. I filled my pain prescription and didn’t have to take one pill. I just felt tired and a little nauseous from the anesthesia.
What was my day like before the 2nd surgery? I was waiting anxiously all day for the results of yesterday’s procedure. The oncologist was getting a rush result of the biopsy. When I first found out I would no longer be able to bear children, I felt a tinge of sadness. There were weeks when I kept thinking I’m too young. People in the doctor’s offices were telling me I’m too young. My own MD told me I’m too young. I have been blessed with two healthy kids. But all last year I was thinking, “Maybe just one more.”
I didn’t get a friendly voice and there wasn’t a hint of reassurance. All I got was annoyance to hear from me and, “The doctor is still in surgery. There is nothing for me to tell you and the other girls in the office will not be able to give you the answer even if the report comes through on the fax after I leave. Either way tomorrow you are getting a surgery and the doctor will let you know in the morning what kind it will be.” Rude and rough. I hung up the phone without the news I was waiting for. Without the comfort I was hoping someone working in a Cancer Institute could provide. I vowed to let the doctor know just how insensitive she was…after he does my surgery.
One hour later, I got my call. It was the kind doctor and he had good news that the biopsy was clear. All my fears were alleviated. I of course still have cancer, but it is isolated and this surgery will take care of it. There isn’t any chance the cancer has spread. I won’t need radiation or chemotherapy. I smiled and thanked the doctor for the good news. It’s been an emotional and stressful period in my life. Now it seems to all be coming to a conclusion.
My dad came to check on my today. He brought a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from his garden. He kept asking me if he needs me tomorrow at the hospital. Tonight I prepared my kids lunches for tomorrow. I labeled and put in baggies the snacks that go in their lunches with instructions in Italian for what else to pack for my mother-in-law. She still is shocked they don’t get delicious pasta and meatballs at school.
My daughter keeps hugging me and saying, “I hope you’ll be ok mommy. We’ll come visit you tomorrow at the hospital.” And I squeeze her tightly and say the same thing, “I promise I’ll be just fine. I promise.”
Teresa’s Crostata agli Amaretti
pasta frolla
2 packs amaretti, each pack is 7 oz
2 cups cold espresso
Directions for the Pasta Frolla:
Pasta Frolla (Sweet Pastry Dough)
300 grams (10.54 ounces)pastry flour
200 grams (7.025 ounces) unsalted butter
100 grams (3.512 ounces) sugar
1 whole egg and 1 yolk ( 60 grams eggs)
dough directions:
In the bowl of a food processor, add the flour and sugar and process a few times to mix together. Next add the butter and pulse a few times until the mixture looks like wet sand. Add the egg and yolk and process a few seconds more until the dough forms (this should be about 5-7 more pulses). Be sure to not overprocess the dough.
Dump the dough from the food processor bowl onto a lightly floured counter. Form the dough into a disk and chill in the refrigerator for about an hour.
Put the flour, sugar, salt, and lemon zest in the work bowl of a food processor fitted with a metal blade. Pulse briefly to combine the ingredients. Distribute the butter around the bowl and pulse until the mixture is crumbly. Add the egg and egg yolks and process until the dough just begins to come together.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and gather it together. Knead it briefly and shape it into a disk. Wrap tightly in plastic and refrigerate for at least 1hour, until well chilled.
baking the crostata:
Preheat oven to 325°F with a foil-lined large baking sheet on middle rack.
When dough is nicely chilled, remove from the refrigerator. Roll out the dough between 2 sheets of plastic wrap into a 13-inch round about 1/8 thick.
When the dough is chilled and ready to fill, remove the tart pan from the refrigerator and prick the pastry bottom with a fork a few times.
You can see details of how to make and roll out the dough here. 
Soak one pack of the amaretti in 1 1/2 cup of the cold espresso. Let the cookies soak a minute. With your fingers, drain the amaretti cookies a little and then place the soaked cookies across the dough.
Then dip the other amaretti cookies one cookie at a time on both sides and spread them out across the dough.
Then dip the other amaretti cookies one cookie at a time on both sides and spread them out across the dough.
 "DSCN7312")
Keep dipping and spreading them out.
Add the remaining 1/2 cup of cold espresso to the tops of the cookies. If you dipped them well enough, you don’t have to add this extra coffee. Teresa noticed the cookies were a little dry. She always leaves a reserve of the coffee just in case a cookie needs a little more moisture.
Add the remaining 1/2 cup of cold espresso to the tops of the cookies. If you dipped them well enough, you don’t have to add this extra coffee. Teresa noticed the cookies were a little dry. She always leaves a reserve of the coffee just in case a cookie needs a little more moisture.
 "DSCN7316")
Cut the remaining half of your dough with a lattice cutter. Make your strips and lay them across the crostata filling.
 "DSCN7318")
Bake on 325 F for approximately 30-45 minutes. You want the crust to be a nice golden brown.
Here’s my sweet dad and my father-in-law Domenico. My dad brought me those flowers from his garden the day before his surgery. He’s famous for his bouquets. 
Grazie Daddy!
I have mentioned many times how therapeutic blogging has been. It is therapeutic and it also brings me such happiness.
I want to say thank you again to my sweet friends Lindsey and Barb for their delicious posts that were on my blog this past week. Their posts brightened my blog and kept it a happy baking place. I will be back with some more recipes soon.
Cake Duchess is where you can follow the baking adventures of me! Hi! I'm Lora, a mom of two cuties in South Florida. I got into all this baking mess because of them. 
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
Glad to hear the surgery went well and you made it home! My thoughts and prayers are with you, hope you have a speedy recovery
! This crostada sounds wonderful, I have never seen one with amareti like this before! Thanks for sharing guest posts even though you aren’t feeling the best 
!
Ciao Lora! Come sono contenta che sei sana ed e andato tutto bene con l’intervento. Che sollievo! Ho pregato per te. Cerca di predere tutto con calma. Sei fortunata di avere un marito, genitori e suoceri che ti aiutono con tutto. Come mi sono piaciute le foto della tua suocera in cucina! La crostata e veramente bella! Un abbraccio forte. Rest up and get well–let everyone pamper you until you are back to feeling 100%! xoxo
Lora, I’m so glad your surgery went well. You’ll be back to all of your normal every day activities in not time. Will keep you in my thoughts:) The crostata looks amazing! Get well soon and thank you for sharing your thoughts and fears with us.:)
So glad your surgery went well! My prayers are for your speedy recuperation. It looks like you have lots of people taking care of you- take it easy and let them! Your mother in law’s crostata is gorgeous.
Lora, what great news that the cancer is isolated – that must be such a relief for you. I am thinking of you. Thank you for keeping us updated.
Lora, I am so happy that you are going to be ok.
I am sorry that you have been through such a difficult time, it is very hard to face any Cancer diagnosis.
Thank you for all of your posts. I appreciate your blog very much! Everything that you do is amazing!
I am sending you positive energy and strength as you recover and go on.
Thank you for your words, Mary Ann
Lora, such good news!! WHEW. Our prayers have been answered. Take good care of yourself…I know the two moms in your life will make sure of that. BTW, Teresa’s costata looks fabulous! Lucky family~
Lora, I am praying that you are getting the rest you need to recuperate properly, but I can certainly understand how you must feel, wanting to do everything for everyone. Thank goodness for the good results, that is wonderful news. And thank you for the reminder – I need to give my kids a hug now
Let’s hear it for prayer and cheetah blood
On a side note…as my daughter looked over my shoulder she exclaimed that the crostata is her kind of dessert…espresso soaked cookies baked into a sweet pastry crust!
Oh I am so glad to hear that everything went well!!! Take care and eat up that delicious crostata up there!
Hi Lora,
I am so glad it went well and you do not have to deal with all the aggressive treatment methods! Thank God a million times for close, tight family members. Life is much better with them. xoxo…
Lora, I am so pleased to know the surgery went well. Have a good rest. I’m praying for your fast recovery.
The crostata looks wonderful.
Oh gosh, lady, you have me in tears! I hope everything is going well for you. You’re in my prayers!
You’re so brave for sharing this info in a blog. Take care!
Glad your surgery went well & the prognosis is good. Hope you have a restful recovery & that many more hugs are in your future.
Teresa is beautiful as is her crostata. I have a silly question – did she bring the amaretti cookies for you all the way from Italy? I haven’t seen them in stores here but wonder if I just haven’t looked in the right place.
Prayers are a powerful force when they are coming from so many people. All our requests for your good health must have made a beautiful racket that God could not ignore.
I agree that blogging is theraputic and it always amazes me how wonderful perfect strangers are in this universal language of love… I really believe foodies are lovers of people first food is part of their love for people, you hit the nail on the head, we all care and can’t wait for the good news that you are back on track… no more worries… good luck… good vibes and prayers coming your way! xo This dessert was just the perfect good things to come~
So glad to hear everything went well Lora! This Crostata looks so delicious. Say espresso and I’m there! Love it and will try soon! Xoxo
Super, super! When I look at your photos, I feel like such a beginner!!
Lora
I am so happy to hear that everything is going to be alright, I was holding my breath with you, and just praying.
Please get some rest, but come back to us as soon as you feel strong enough.
Always
your friend
Dennis
Lora, I’m so glad that you got some good news! I know the feeling of waiting for the biopsy results, and those rude office staff can be terrible:( I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers:)
So glad the biopsy results were good. Sorry to hear of the pain and discomfort. Your family is so wonderful to be there helping out, bless them! Best wishes to you on your next surgery. My thoughts are with you and your family as you go through the healing process.
HUGE sigh of relief. God is good; God is good; God is good.
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In this moment I’m looking at this crostata…it’s beautiful as heaven but….I just don’t care. I just care about telling you how happy I am that everything went well and that you are back home! My college ex-boyfriend from Naples always used to tell me “piensa a salute” (I don’t know how to write that correctly in Napolitanean slang but basically “take care of your health”. Saint words! Now, take care of yourself and just focus on getting back in full strength and enjoy the family. Baci!
Sorry, try again, I meant to say I’m happy that you received positive news from your biopsy!
You are so blessed to be surrounded by your loving and supportive family. Your love and appreciation for your family really comes across in your writing. Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful and creative recipe for crostata, take care;-)
Lora I am so glad that your surgery went well and that you’re home recovering with your family. This crostata looks amazing! I will definitely have to try when my family comes to town in a couple weeks. Rest up and feel better!!!!!
I’m so glad that all went well and that you’re resting comfortably at home! Im so glad the cancer was isolated and that you won’t need chemo or radiation, Lora! This crostata looks so good…your MIL sounds like an excellent baker.
I’m so glad to hear the good news… we’ve all been thinking about you. I’m sure you’re anxious to get back up and about, but please rest up, my dear.
I just got an error leaving you a comment… I was saying: I’m happy that you’re back and that surgery went well. I’ve been thinking of you these days and will keep praying for you. Love u, Lora! xoxoxo
Whew! I so glad to hear this is all coming to an end. My thoughts and prayers are with you through this scary time.
You’ve lived a lifetime in the last week Lora. What a harrowing time you’ve had. So scary and so many emotions I’m sure. And in all of this you’ve opened your life and your family for us to ride along. The love and warmth surrounding you is palpable. Thinking of you…
I’m glad that your surgery went well and everything is OK! You may look at life differently and be a better person in some way. Treasure your family, your kids and your love of cooking.
I think that both you and my other wonderful friend Lee had your surgery both on the same day in different parts of Florida. You both came out sounding so cheerful and positive and that is the most important thing in healing! I can only imagine how terrifying it must be but you know that you are surrounded not just by your wonderful, loving family who adore you but by all of us – your friends – out here in Blogland and we are all, each and everyone of us, there with you! Everything will be all right! Now sit back, savor that gorgeous crostata and let yourself be pampered! Tanti baci, cara amica! xox
So happy your surgery went well! It is difficult to be so vulnerable but now you are on the road to recovery! You are so blessed to have such love surrounding you! Prayers for your continued recovery!
I am so glad you are doing well. I hope you feel 100% soon. You are in my thoughts! (and beautiful crostata)
So glad to hear you are home. Rest, relax and heal. You are surrounded by a loving family, loving friends and many followers who have been praying for you. We are all relieved to hear that it hasn’t spread. Now just relax and get better.
Oh and the crostata is beautiful, your mother-in-law is an artist.
Lora, I am so so pleased to hear the surgery went well! The crostata looks beautiful!
Lora, I’m so happy your surgery went well and you’re going to be okay. Rest and take care of yourself. Thinking of you.
I am so happy your home. Have been thinking of you so much. The flowers, the dessert and your family is just so beautiful. Rest up girl! xo
Hooray, It’s wonderful news that your surgery was successful and your home resting and healing. I missed you in twitterrama world. May God Bless you with complete healing!
I’m glad you’re home with your family now and that everything went ok. You’re always in my thoughts and prayers.
This looks incredible, almost too pretty to eat. But I’d gladly eat the whole entire crostata anyway.
I am so glad it’s over and you are home safe and sound in the arms of your loving family! I wish you a speedy recovery! Sending a big HUG your way. xoxo
Deat Lora, It’s wonderful to know that you’re resting and the worst is over. I continue to pray that you’ll be in tip top shape soon. Good Bless your family for being there with you and pitching in.
Oh Lora, I am so happy for you! I had a similar experience about 15 years ago, and after the surgery when all was clear I was so grateful to be alive and to be with my family at home! I’m happy for you that you have a kind doctor:)
BTW, this crostata looks so unique(to me, anyway) and so delicious!
God bless you and get well SOON!
Your good news made my day shine ever so brightly. I’m so glad we were able to text this afternoon. I needed this, Lora, and I know your sweet family did even more. Thank you for sharing your beautiful and strong spirit with us again and again. You bless hundreds of people with your words, and I’m so glad to know you. Much love and hugs.
Lora, I learned about your terrible ordeal through your mom’s blog. I’m so happy to hear the worst is over. It’s so wonderful to see that you are surrounded by such a loving family, who will no doubt be there for you as you recuperate.
What a relief! So glad you are doing well.
I am so happy to hear you are doing better. Do that that doctor know about the harsh treatment you got from his staff. If that staff person doesn’t get it that cancer patients experience a lot of fear and anxiety, then she’s an idiot and she needs to be fired.
what a great news to hear the surgery went well and the cancer is now isolated. you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
the crostata looks amazing. love those amaretti cookies. thanks for sharing Lora
Ugh, its ppl like that nurse that ruin the effort of all the other ones that go above an beyond. I am glad that your doing well and you have such a wonderful support group taking god care of you (and feeding you so well!).
Tell your Mom and MIL how bella I think they are and I know that will take perfect care of you. I can’t wait to try Teresa recipe. Rest, remember rest. You have lots of friends praying for you.
-Gina-
You are blessed with many things, Lora. And we are blessed for knowing you. You have a truly remarkable family who care for you…the flowers and Teresa’s crostata look so lovely. I’m so happy to hear that you are on your way to recovery and everyday I admire your strength. Take good care of yourself, bella!